Wednesday, June 26, 2013

My Vulnerability Hangover

Soooo, it's been ages. I have nothing but excuses, work is busy, I got sick for a little while, I am still wading through the Canadian medical system trying to find solutions, actually get to a real diagnosis about what's going on with my body and on...and on...and on.

But like I mentioned. They're excuses. 

I think underneath it all, I have been suffering from vulnerability overload. Here, at this blog, I had put all these ugly, scary thoughts, out there to the world. And while everyone had been sooooooo incredibly supportive I still had a hard time hearing the kind, supportive words. I felt like I should I be strong enough without them. Because that's who my mother and my aunts raised me to be.

I am a feminist. I choose to be strong and brave. Everyday, I push myself to be vulnerable and courageous because I KNOW those qualities need to be cultivated. I choose to support all the women who surround me. I do my best to lift others up. I also do the best I can to lift myself (the husband will attest that some days I am supremely incapable of this task, other days I'm superwoman).

So I wake up each morning and I look in the mirror and I see beauty, I see strength, I see love. 

But I also see this shrinking body. 

I live every day, proud of who I am, just the way I am - but I also live each day proud of the number on the scale that's always getting smaller.

Today I stepped on the offending friend and the number was 180 pounds. It feels silly, and I am at odds with myself in all honesty, because "Kate the Feminist" says it shouldn't matter...but I am very excited to see the number on the scale in the 170's.

I'm trying to balance the emotions I feel about all this because I know they are all valid. 

A new outfit photo will be posted soon. Be prepared for more bravery. Cheer me on?!? Cause I'm going to need it!






5 comments:

Sarah said...

You're inspiring me to get my act together! Keep it up and keep sharing!!

Kate do Forno said...

Thanks Sarah!! I write for ladies like you...strong, impressive, beautiful women who should never feel like anything less!!

Chanty said...

Way to go Kate! I'm so very happy to read all this. You inspired me when we met 10 years ago and you keep on doing it. I love you.

MissBecka Gee said...

dont feel guilty at your accomplishments, your working hard and with each new thing you accomplish you should be able to feel good and super excited about it...keep up the amazing work im so proud of all the hard work your putting in and cant wait to see your new photo! keep being awesome!!!

Heather said...

Hi Kate! My name is Heather and I was wondering if you could answer a question I have about your blog! If you could email me at Lifesabanquet1(at)gmail(dot)com that would be great!